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This is not a post for winning the Indiblogger contest. This post is a desperate attempt on my part to come out of the “writer’s block” that I have been facing recently. This topic by Indiblogger just got my thoughts running and got my fingers typing. But since the good people at Sony entertainment are giving out free hampers for every valid entry, the Indian or should I say the “Malayali” in me got greedy.
Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?
As far as I’m concerned, one should only marry another person if they love each other. I’m a bit iffy on the whole concept of love (how there is no love between two people, just caring and compatibility), but that’s a whole different story.
Now, coming to the “love” marriage part. If two people believe they are “in-love”, and can bear each other for the rest of their lives, then I believe they should marry each other. And like Aamir Khan, so powerfully suggested in Satyameva Jayate, any person after they reach the adulthood age (so prescribed by the government), can marry anyone they like. And I believe in it. If you are happy in a relationship, then no matter what the society thinks or (I’ll go a bit bolder and say) no matter what your parents say, it’s your life! You are absolutely free to do anything. And I personally don’t think any parent can be unforgiving, if at all they think you are committing a mistake.
But on the other hand, I also believe in taking things slowly. You do not get married after 6 months or even a year after “knowing” each other. You have to be absolutely together. I think live-in relationships are the measuring sticks. It also checks out my compatibility theory. Only after you live with another person for a period of time will you actually know the person. His/her habits, likes, dislikes, behaviour, addictions, whether you like them in their mornings, whether you like their coffee, how lazy are they exactly, everything. It’s like beta testing your marriage. If your relationship can handle this, then you can actually be confident about your marriage*.
*T&C apply: The entire system may or may not crumble with additions to the family. (For the scarcely brained, I mean babies)
Arranged marriages are for people who are either too busy with their lives doing work, raking in money or for people who cannot find someone compatible enough. A third possibility for going for arranged marriage is what they call “respect for their parents”. They say parents know what’s best for us and they will decide whom I should spend the rest of my life with. If this is the reason people give for getting married with approximate strangers, then they are, in my opinion, losers. Not because they respect their parents’ decision. But because they are either too spineless to make their own decisions or they are too afraid to actually go out and find someone compatible.
The major problem with this is, later on, when you find out that you are not compatible for each other, you have no one to blame! Because, obviously, you love your parents too much. If you marry the one you “love”, the least you could do is acknowledge the fact that you made a mistake and move on.
Now that was the negative side of it. The one bit of silver lining I see is, if the one your parents pitched you with is truly compatible, then your relationship is going to be one of the best relationships (Unless of course some shady gf/bf from the past comes back to haunt you). There was this Tamil movie called “Silinoru Kadhal”, where the daughter of a happy-arranged-marriage couple explains to an unhappy-fighting-love-marriage couple’s son why her parents are so happy. She says,
“Your parents loved and got married, right? My parents married and then started loving each other.”
Anyways, if you ask me how I’d like to get married, I’d say I’d rather be with someone I’m sure I like, than get married and then decide whether to like her or not.
P.S I totally forgot to mention this before, but better late than never. I was interviewed by Desire v/s Destiny and here’s the link. This was a long time back, and I did a couple of posts too much, but I forgot to mention this here, so here goes.
P.P.S A bit of an afterthought – Love marriages can also be converted into Arranged marriages, but that’s another story, too.